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While I hope that LJ will listen to the uproar from it's members on the news post (65 pages and 3500+ comments so far, almost all negative feedback on this) and make it so we can at least opt out of this, I would request that no one crosspost any comments they make on my journal. I realize that most of my journal is open for the world to see, but that is only because my Livejournal identity is completely separate from my real life one, and because I didn't want people to have to request I friend them in order for them to read my stories.
That might have to change. If LJ doesn't fix this fantastic fuck up of theirs, I am, at the very least, going to have to lock the entire journal so that if someone does link back to posts on either of the social networking sites, anybody who clicks won't be able to see the actual post.
But then, I am also considering deleting this journal completely and paying more attention to my Dreamwidth one. I cannot afford to have the possibility of certain people in real life figuring out about and reading anything from my livejournal.
I really hope LJ fixes this mess, because I love it here, and don't want to leave, but I may have to if they don't come up with a solution.
That might have to change. If LJ doesn't fix this fantastic fuck up of theirs, I am, at the very least, going to have to lock the entire journal so that if someone does link back to posts on either of the social networking sites, anybody who clicks won't be able to see the actual post.
But then, I am also considering deleting this journal completely and paying more attention to my Dreamwidth one. I cannot afford to have the possibility of certain people in real life figuring out about and reading anything from my livejournal.
I really hope LJ fixes this mess, because I love it here, and don't want to leave, but I may have to if they don't come up with a solution.
Yesterday I went to the GI doctor. After giving her a list of symptoms as long as my leg and the entire story of my life for the past year, she took one look at my lab (either the TTG or the IGG, I'm not sure. I've had so many blood tests done that I can't even keep track anymore) and told me I probably do have Celiac's disease. Wonderful.
She's running a full Celiac's panel just to sure, as well as food allergy IGE (there's another five tubes of my blood for the hospital to play with) and we've scheduled an upper endoscopy for next Wednesday. So I guess we'll know for sure by then.
Part of me wants it to be true, simply because then I'll know what is wrong and I can start getting my life back (actually, I'm told that you get Celiac's disease from the first time you ever eat gluten, so if it's true my health will be better than it has have been. I wonder what it would be like to have energy. Huh. ) but most of my is praying that it isn't, because I really love flour. I love bread, and cookies and brownies and breaded chicken, and I was looking at lists of candy that have gluten in and there's a horrible amount of my favorites in there.
(Reese's minis? How will I survive without them?)
My doctor told me not to cut back on the gluten while we wait to find out, because that could make the test a false negative, so I've been gorging myself on it. There is, in fact, and open bag of Reese's minis right beside me, and yesterday I went out to eat at O'Charley's (I love their rolls. I'll miss them.) and the other day I went and ate at the Olive Garden. I'm planning on eating pizza the night before my endoscopy, because I know that ordering pizza when I'm hanging out with my friends will be something I really miss.
Oh my god. I just realized. The fried onion flower? You know, my favorite food item in the world, the thing I posted about when Writer's Block asked about our choice of last meal, the thing that I totally got excited about when Spike started going on about this "onion thing" in the later seasons of Buffy because I loved it as much as he did? Yeah. It's breaded. With flour.
Oh god. If this test is positive I'm never going to get to eat it again.
*whimper*
In an unrelated note, I've been rewatching a few season 1 Veronica Mars episodes today, and you know who I'm starting to ship a little? Veronica and Meg. I don't read a whole lot of femmeslash, but sometimes the idea will really stick with me. (For instance, Buffy and Faith. Despite my usual fanatic OTPness when it comes to Spuffy, whenever Buffy and Faith are in a scene together I can't help but ship them, and I was totally feeling it season 3.) Anyway. I love Veronica and Meg together, even just as good friends. Which makes what happened in season 2 all the more sad.
It's funny how much I like Alona Tal in Veronica Mars, considering how much her character Jo annoyed me in Supernatural. I don't know, her wannabe hunter act was a little annoying, and I always thought she seemed far too young for Dean. (Jo and Sam, however? I could actually see.) Of course, I absolutely loved her in her one episode in season 5, thought her character seemed a lot more grown up--more hunter than wannabe hunter, so I'm not happy about the end of that episode, considering she had just started to be awesome.
Speaking of those rare female Supernatural characters, I've been creating .avi clips to edit with (I'm vidding again! Yay! And I am so excited about what I'm working on right now.) and at the moment I'm working on season three.
Can I just say again, how much I love Ruby in that season? I mean, I realize that love for Ruby seems to be an unpopular opinion in this fandom, but I thought she was awesome in that season. Totally badass, with her confrontational attitude and her witchcraft and the way she kept saving the boys' life. I didn't trust her then, but I wanted to. And I thought she was totally more believable as the good-demon-with-regret than in season 4, where I thought her manipulation was more obvious.
I miss Katie Cassidy's Ruby. She rocked.
She's running a full Celiac's panel just to sure, as well as food allergy IGE (there's another five tubes of my blood for the hospital to play with) and we've scheduled an upper endoscopy for next Wednesday. So I guess we'll know for sure by then.
Part of me wants it to be true, simply because then I'll know what is wrong and I can start getting my life back (actually, I'm told that you get Celiac's disease from the first time you ever eat gluten, so if it's true my health will be better than it has have been. I wonder what it would be like to have energy. Huh. ) but most of my is praying that it isn't, because I really love flour. I love bread, and cookies and brownies and breaded chicken, and I was looking at lists of candy that have gluten in and there's a horrible amount of my favorites in there.
(Reese's minis? How will I survive without them?)
My doctor told me not to cut back on the gluten while we wait to find out, because that could make the test a false negative, so I've been gorging myself on it. There is, in fact, and open bag of Reese's minis right beside me, and yesterday I went out to eat at O'Charley's (I love their rolls. I'll miss them.) and the other day I went and ate at the Olive Garden. I'm planning on eating pizza the night before my endoscopy, because I know that ordering pizza when I'm hanging out with my friends will be something I really miss.
Oh my god. I just realized. The fried onion flower? You know, my favorite food item in the world, the thing I posted about when Writer's Block asked about our choice of last meal, the thing that I totally got excited about when Spike started going on about this "onion thing" in the later seasons of Buffy because I loved it as much as he did? Yeah. It's breaded. With flour.
Oh god. If this test is positive I'm never going to get to eat it again.
*whimper*
In an unrelated note, I've been rewatching a few season 1 Veronica Mars episodes today, and you know who I'm starting to ship a little? Veronica and Meg. I don't read a whole lot of femmeslash, but sometimes the idea will really stick with me. (For instance, Buffy and Faith. Despite my usual fanatic OTPness when it comes to Spuffy, whenever Buffy and Faith are in a scene together I can't help but ship them, and I was totally feeling it season 3.) Anyway. I love Veronica and Meg together, even just as good friends. Which makes what happened in season 2 all the more sad.
It's funny how much I like Alona Tal in Veronica Mars, considering how much her character Jo annoyed me in Supernatural. I don't know, her wannabe hunter act was a little annoying, and I always thought she seemed far too young for Dean. (Jo and Sam, however? I could actually see.) Of course, I absolutely loved her in her one episode in season 5, thought her character seemed a lot more grown up--more hunter than wannabe hunter, so I'm not happy about the end of that episode, considering she had just started to be awesome.
Speaking of those rare female Supernatural characters, I've been creating .avi clips to edit with (I'm vidding again! Yay! And I am so excited about what I'm working on right now.) and at the moment I'm working on season three.
Can I just say again, how much I love Ruby in that season? I mean, I realize that love for Ruby seems to be an unpopular opinion in this fandom, but I thought she was awesome in that season. Totally badass, with her confrontational attitude and her witchcraft and the way she kept saving the boys' life. I didn't trust her then, but I wanted to. And I thought she was totally more believable as the good-demon-with-regret than in season 4, where I thought her manipulation was more obvious.
I miss Katie Cassidy's Ruby. She rocked.
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I think my mother is having some kind of OCD freak out. She's been vacuuming her room for two days now, and half an hour ago she had me vacuum her bed with the vacuum nozzle inch by inch, because she'd already done it twice and she didn't have an energy for a third time. Yesterday she was frantically stomping around the house with a bottle of Windex in one hand and a fly swatter in the other, and kept saying things like "There can be a thousand dust mites in just a dot the size of a pin! A pin!" Today she started screaming at my dad because he apparently didn't wash his hands well enough from when he came in from the outside and she could see the dirt he left everywhere. It took her the entire cupboard of cups to find one she could drink out of because she said every single cup was dirty even though I went and looked through them and there was nothing wrong with them.
She's rather scary at the moment and I've been hiding in my room or outside, and happily took the errand of running to get her a whole new set of pillows (because her old ones could have too many dust mites) just so I could get away.
She also keeps yelling at me for being tired all the time and dozing off every time I sit down--even though she knows that it's not my fault and it's not like I'm just being lazy. I can't help it, I'm tired all the time and the doctor refuses to up my medication. *growls in frustration*
She's rather scary at the moment and I've been hiding in my room or outside, and happily took the errand of running to get her a whole new set of pillows (because her old ones could have too many dust mites) just so I could get away.
She also keeps yelling at me for being tired all the time and dozing off every time I sit down--even though she knows that it's not my fault and it's not like I'm just being lazy. I can't help it, I'm tired all the time and the doctor refuses to up my medication. *growls in frustration*
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So, I usually don't get involved in any kind of fandom drama--I leave my fandom activities mostly to reading/writing fanfiction, collecting/making fanart, meta discussion and squee posts. I don't care to read wank posts, I don't like bashing of actors/writers/other lj goers, and I don't spend time on the anonymous memes.
BUT.
Discussions of certain events happening at a con a few years ago, and all the reactions it has brought up here lately has been floating around my usual fandom haunts all day. It has gotten to the point that even people on my flist who are not involved in the Supernatural fandom at all are posting about it, and so my curiosity took over and I looked into it.
(For people who don't know what I'm talking about and are curious, here's a summary.)
I have to say, the reactions this person made about everything just pisses me off.
Now, I wasn't at Wincon in 2008, in fact, I wasn't in the Supernatural fandom in 2008--so I have no idea what really happened, whether or not things have been over exaggerated by people who weren't there, but I can say that the reaction posts the person in question made reeked so much of rape culture that it was horrifying. It was victim bullying. Plain and simple.
And it is exactly that kind of mind set, and those kind of demands and threats, that cause people who have been sexually assaulted to remain silent to begin with.
It deeply disgusts me.
I realize that since then she has apologized for the way she phrased things, saying that she didn't mean to hurt anyone with what she said, but it doesn't really make things better for me. The fact that, as several people have pointed out, her first reaction to finding out her actions at the con made people uncomfortable was not "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it. Is there anything I can do to make it better?" but "These accusations are lies! Why have they not arrested me if it was true? Why don't you come forward and reveal yourselves and PROVE IT!" shocks and disappoints me.
It makes me uncomfortable. Not just about her, but about how these are the kind of thoughts and reactions concerning sexual assault, and questions of consent that just automatically pop into people's head. When something like this happens, it's more often than naught the victim who has their character and personal life scrutinized. Which brings the point of again, how can you expect them to always come forward?
I am pretty much a nobody in this fandom. I've just broken in, and I am just now making friends. I am pretty much a nobody in fandom in general, actually, and am certainly not personally connected to this situation. But I am posting this because in several comments on some of these anonymous threads I've read, people have said they would come forward to discuss this un-anonymously, but that they were a nobody so there would be no point.
My journal has less than 100 friends, and not all of them are connected to Supernatural, but I am posting this anyway. Because things like this piss me off and disgust me, and if I have to say it with my username intact to make what I say count at all, I will.
BUT.
Discussions of certain events happening at a con a few years ago, and all the reactions it has brought up here lately has been floating around my usual fandom haunts all day. It has gotten to the point that even people on my flist who are not involved in the Supernatural fandom at all are posting about it, and so my curiosity took over and I looked into it.
(For people who don't know what I'm talking about and are curious, here's a summary.)
I have to say, the reactions this person made about everything just pisses me off.
Now, I wasn't at Wincon in 2008, in fact, I wasn't in the Supernatural fandom in 2008--so I have no idea what really happened, whether or not things have been over exaggerated by people who weren't there, but I can say that the reaction posts the person in question made reeked so much of rape culture that it was horrifying. It was victim bullying. Plain and simple.
And it is exactly that kind of mind set, and those kind of demands and threats, that cause people who have been sexually assaulted to remain silent to begin with.
It deeply disgusts me.
I realize that since then she has apologized for the way she phrased things, saying that she didn't mean to hurt anyone with what she said, but it doesn't really make things better for me. The fact that, as several people have pointed out, her first reaction to finding out her actions at the con made people uncomfortable was not "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize it. Is there anything I can do to make it better?" but "These accusations are lies! Why have they not arrested me if it was true? Why don't you come forward and reveal yourselves and PROVE IT!" shocks and disappoints me.
It makes me uncomfortable. Not just about her, but about how these are the kind of thoughts and reactions concerning sexual assault, and questions of consent that just automatically pop into people's head. When something like this happens, it's more often than naught the victim who has their character and personal life scrutinized. Which brings the point of again, how can you expect them to always come forward?
I am pretty much a nobody in this fandom. I've just broken in, and I am just now making friends. I am pretty much a nobody in fandom in general, actually, and am certainly not personally connected to this situation. But I am posting this because in several comments on some of these anonymous threads I've read, people have said they would come forward to discuss this un-anonymously, but that they were a nobody so there would be no point.
My journal has less than 100 friends, and not all of them are connected to Supernatural, but I am posting this anyway. Because things like this piss me off and disgust me, and if I have to say it with my username intact to make what I say count at all, I will.
So my friends wanted me to go out to a club with them tonight, but I denied because, as most of my flist is highly aware of, it's Supernatural Thursday, and my little sister gets pissy when I make plans and don't watch it with her. We've had a standing Thursday night double date with Dean and Sam since she got into Supernatural, and I've just stopped making plans for Thursdays.
But TODAY, even though I told Emily about the club plans and she was all happy I decided not to go and stay here at my parents house with her, she invites her boyfriend over to spend time with her, assuring me that "Tyler will just watch Supernatural with us, whether he likes it or not." Of course, ten minutes till the episode and they're in the middle of a movie, Tyler doesn't want to watch "that stupid ghost show," and there isn't another available TV in the house.
*sigh*
I like Tyler, I do. He's better than any of the other guys my sister has dated. What I DON'T like is how he'll spend all day with her at school, then hours with her after school, then call an hour after they separate and get pissed off because Emily is spending time with me and can't talk. So then Emily feels guilty and sits there and texts him throughout the entire episode we're watching. Shouldn't that need to be together all the time fade just a little after two years?
If you guys haven't gotten it by now, I'm really close to my sis. She's like, one of my best friends, despite the five year age difference, and always has been. She's one of the few people in my family that doesn't make me nuts, and the only reason I come back home to visit. She likes to joke about how I'm the Dean to her Sam--or the Sam to her Dean, considering my love for my laptop and random urge to research things and her sometimes extreme craving for pie. (No joke.) So I don't appreciate it when her boyfriend gets bitchy because she's spending time with me.
Yeah, I get it. I'm pretty possessive and demanding when it comes to the people I care about, always have been, but I have seriously dialed down my Big Sis protective streak when it comes to him--which is huge considering how often I come across them making out and I just want to tell them they are both far too young--so he needs to Back. The Fuck. Off. when it comes to the one night a week I get to claim my sister's attention.
*glares* Supernatural has started and I'm missing it. I'll download it as soon as it's available, but if he's not gone by the time it's finished, she just out of luck. I'm watching it without her.
But TODAY, even though I told Emily about the club plans and she was all happy I decided not to go and stay here at my parents house with her, she invites her boyfriend over to spend time with her, assuring me that "Tyler will just watch Supernatural with us, whether he likes it or not." Of course, ten minutes till the episode and they're in the middle of a movie, Tyler doesn't want to watch "that stupid ghost show," and there isn't another available TV in the house.
*sigh*
I like Tyler, I do. He's better than any of the other guys my sister has dated. What I DON'T like is how he'll spend all day with her at school, then hours with her after school, then call an hour after they separate and get pissed off because Emily is spending time with me and can't talk. So then Emily feels guilty and sits there and texts him throughout the entire episode we're watching. Shouldn't that need to be together all the time fade just a little after two years?
If you guys haven't gotten it by now, I'm really close to my sis. She's like, one of my best friends, despite the five year age difference, and always has been. She's one of the few people in my family that doesn't make me nuts, and the only reason I come back home to visit. She likes to joke about how I'm the Dean to her Sam--or the Sam to her Dean, considering my love for my laptop and random urge to research things and her sometimes extreme craving for pie. (No joke.) So I don't appreciate it when her boyfriend gets bitchy because she's spending time with me.
Yeah, I get it. I'm pretty possessive and demanding when it comes to the people I care about, always have been, but I have seriously dialed down my Big Sis protective streak when it comes to him--which is huge considering how often I come across them making out and I just want to tell them they are both far too young--so he needs to Back. The Fuck. Off. when it comes to the one night a week I get to claim my sister's attention.
*glares* Supernatural has started and I'm missing it. I'll download it as soon as it's available, but if he's not gone by the time it's finished, she just out of luck. I'm watching it without her.
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My computer just got one of those stupid fake anti-virus programs. Which keeps popping up and telling me that I have all these security breaches and trojans and spyware that I don't actually have, trying to get me to buy the program with my credit card.
WELL EFF YOU FAKE ANTI-VIRUS. I'M NOT THAT STUPID.
It's one I haven't seen before, and it's not showing up in any of my files for me to uninstall it. (Not that I really thought it would be that simple. *sigh*) But every where I look on the internet people keep saying the only way to get it off is to download some other anti-malware programs and run that.
It's a conspiracy, I tell you.
These anti-malware programs like Spy Doctor and Malwarebytes or whatever they are called, there's so freaking many of them, probably just create these stupid fake anti-virus programs and post shit on the forums about downloading their program is the only way to get rid of it so you'll buy their program. Of course, they don't mention you have to buy it on the forums--the download is free, the scan is free, but you have to buy the program to get rid of it.
Perfect fucking scam.
*growls*
Well, I'm not doing that, so I'm trying to find a way to delete this shit manually without fucking up my computer in the process. I really don't know enough about computers to be mucking about in the registry.
*sigh* I'll probably just have to take my computer to my dad. Good thing I'm going home tomorrow.
Anybody on my flist have any experience with getting rid of Vista Internet Security the pain in the ass fake anti-virus program?
WELL EFF YOU FAKE ANTI-VIRUS. I'M NOT THAT STUPID.
It's one I haven't seen before, and it's not showing up in any of my files for me to uninstall it. (Not that I really thought it would be that simple. *sigh*) But every where I look on the internet people keep saying the only way to get it off is to download some other anti-malware programs and run that.
It's a conspiracy, I tell you.
These anti-malware programs like Spy Doctor and Malwarebytes or whatever they are called, there's so freaking many of them, probably just create these stupid fake anti-virus programs and post shit on the forums about downloading their program is the only way to get rid of it so you'll buy their program. Of course, they don't mention you have to buy it on the forums--the download is free, the scan is free, but you have to buy the program to get rid of it.
Perfect fucking scam.
*growls*
Well, I'm not doing that, so I'm trying to find a way to delete this shit manually without fucking up my computer in the process. I really don't know enough about computers to be mucking about in the registry.
*sigh* I'll probably just have to take my computer to my dad. Good thing I'm going home tomorrow.
Anybody on my flist have any experience with getting rid of Vista Internet Security the pain in the ass fake anti-virus program?
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Read a story that dealt with dragons today and it got me in the mood for some more, so I sat down and watched an old favorite of mine: Dragonheart. (Sean Connery! Dennis Quaid! Yay!)I remember going to see this movie at the drive in when I was little, this and I think, like Twister or something. Pay once, watch both movies, you know. (That was before they tore the drive in here down and built cheep houses on it. It's sad, another childhood tradition, gone.)
Anyway, after I watched I started wondering if there was any fanfiction for it and what it was like. Here I am, thinking of what great opportunities there are for character studies--Einan, lack of love from an absent father causing him to seek approval from the two father figures in his life: Bowen, whose praise is hard to earn because he has such high standards and expects so much from him, and Brok, who is second in command to the father he idolizes and whose praise is easily given; Aislinn, married to a man she hates and watching a son grow to be so much like him; Bowen, broken hearted over Einan's betrayal and disillusioned and bitter with the world around him; and of course Draco, having to watch the rest of his kind die off as well as being the inadvertent cause to all the misery around him, longing for death because it is the only that would assuage his guilt and set things right, but fearing it at the same time.
There's great stuff here!
But what do I get out of the fanfiction I find?
The spy girl who is sent into Einan's castle to kill him but actually falls in love with him, the peasant girl Eianan meets who gentles his cruel heart, the Missing Twin of Kara who he falls in love with instead of her, who of course sees the scared and lonely little boy underneath the crown and bad hair that Kara never could.
Blech. Blech and ick. I mean, Eianan!
And that is of course, out of the ones that were not about that godawful sequel. Double blech.
Dude! I totally just realized that the guy who plays Einan plays Remus in the Harry Potter movie. Hah.
Anyway, after I watched I started wondering if there was any fanfiction for it and what it was like. Here I am, thinking of what great opportunities there are for character studies--Einan, lack of love from an absent father causing him to seek approval from the two father figures in his life: Bowen, whose praise is hard to earn because he has such high standards and expects so much from him, and Brok, who is second in command to the father he idolizes and whose praise is easily given; Aislinn, married to a man she hates and watching a son grow to be so much like him; Bowen, broken hearted over Einan's betrayal and disillusioned and bitter with the world around him; and of course Draco, having to watch the rest of his kind die off as well as being the inadvertent cause to all the misery around him, longing for death because it is the only that would assuage his guilt and set things right, but fearing it at the same time.
There's great stuff here!
But what do I get out of the fanfiction I find?
The spy girl who is sent into Einan's castle to kill him but actually falls in love with him, the peasant girl Eianan meets who gentles his cruel heart, the Missing Twin of Kara who he falls in love with instead of her, who of course sees the scared and lonely little boy underneath the crown and bad hair that Kara never could.
Blech. Blech and ick. I mean, Eianan!
And that is of course, out of the ones that were not about that godawful sequel. Double blech.
Dude! I totally just realized that the guy who plays Einan plays Remus in the Harry Potter movie. Hah.
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Today has sucked. My car got towed, I don't have a hundred dollars cash, or a ride to the towing place--I'm probably going to have to call my parents (ugh), I'm on my period and I've got cramps so bad that I can't stand up straight. I had ride a bike to my classes like this, and I wanted to cry by the time I got there. I've nauseous all day, and I'm pretty sure that I failed my english pop quiz because I was so out of it I couldn't think, and everything was short answer.
I just want to roll over and die already.
Or maybe build a fort out of blankets, sheets and pillows, get a bucket of chocolate, a good book and a bottle of water and just crawl in and stay there for the rest of the week.
I just want to roll over and die already.
Or maybe build a fort out of blankets, sheets and pillows, get a bucket of chocolate, a good book and a bottle of water and just crawl in and stay there for the rest of the week.
I feel like crying. My cat knocked my external harddrive off my desk and its not working now. The computer doesn't recognize it, it doesn't even light up, and it just keeps making these short humming noises, like the disk inside is trying to spin but can't.
I just got this thing last Christmas.
These past few weeks have seriously, seriously sucked. It's just one thing after another, with my aunt finally declaring my mother dead to her and saying she never wants to see her again, completely splitting my family up, that fight with my mother and all the tension it has caused in my family, fucking loan issues again, all my friends graduating and moving out of the state, leaving me extremely bored and no where to escape when my family goes nuts, this thing with my brother (who has been declared psychotic by the doctor and is now on anti-psych meds. When I last went to see him, I could barely recognize him, he was so out of it), and now my stupid fucking cat broke my harddrive, which yes, isn't the end of the world, but it had all of my writing, and art and months worth of time and effort spent in fanvideos and ripping dvds to use for fanvideos and all of my music and I just want to Fucking. Scream. with frustration at it all.
This summer was supposed to be all about calming down and collecting myself and getting in a better state of mind after the absolute suckfest that was last semester, and that just hasn't been happening. I feel worse than ever.
And my mother wont stop fucking calling me from her room for the most stupid shit.
School starts monday and I'm already seriously stressed out. I don't see how this semester can go any better than the last one.
I just got this thing last Christmas.
These past few weeks have seriously, seriously sucked. It's just one thing after another, with my aunt finally declaring my mother dead to her and saying she never wants to see her again, completely splitting my family up, that fight with my mother and all the tension it has caused in my family, fucking loan issues again, all my friends graduating and moving out of the state, leaving me extremely bored and no where to escape when my family goes nuts, this thing with my brother (who has been declared psychotic by the doctor and is now on anti-psych meds. When I last went to see him, I could barely recognize him, he was so out of it), and now my stupid fucking cat broke my harddrive, which yes, isn't the end of the world, but it had all of my writing, and art and months worth of time and effort spent in fanvideos and ripping dvds to use for fanvideos and all of my music and I just want to Fucking. Scream. with frustration at it all.
This summer was supposed to be all about calming down and collecting myself and getting in a better state of mind after the absolute suckfest that was last semester, and that just hasn't been happening. I feel worse than ever.
And my mother wont stop fucking calling me from her room for the most stupid shit.
School starts monday and I'm already seriously stressed out. I don't see how this semester can go any better than the last one.
I'm at the hotel computer right now, waiting for my family to hurry up and get ready so we can go to breakfast, and avoiding the insanity in our room.
Sharing a hotel room with four other members of your family isn't as fun as it sounds, and it really didn't sound much fun to begin with.
I couldn't get to sleep--I've never been very good at sleeping in hotel rooms, with the terrible air conditioner that is always either two hot or too cold, the steet lights through the window, my little sister randomly rolling on top of me. I finally fell asleep sometime after four, not happy about waking up four hours later, and my dad woke me up around five by jerking awake yelling and cursing.
A bad dream. He gets those a lot.
He doesn't go to bed after that, but roams the room for hours, getting ice, getting milk, grumbling about the bed, the AC, the dark and I really wanted to just grab something off the bedside table and chuck it at him, in the hopes that it would knock him out for a few more hours, but instead I just rolled over and tried to sleep through it all.
No such luck.
Now we've got a theme park to go to, I've had very little sleep and my older sister is already pissed off at my parents and bitching about not wanting to go to breakfast because it will "waste the day," which is just ticking my parents off, so I have to hear them bitch about it.
I might add sororicide to the list.
Supernatural icon because I feel sorry for anyone who has to live in hotels for most of their lives.
Sharing a hotel room with four other members of your family isn't as fun as it sounds, and it really didn't sound much fun to begin with.
I couldn't get to sleep--I've never been very good at sleeping in hotel rooms, with the terrible air conditioner that is always either two hot or too cold, the steet lights through the window, my little sister randomly rolling on top of me. I finally fell asleep sometime after four, not happy about waking up four hours later, and my dad woke me up around five by jerking awake yelling and cursing.
A bad dream. He gets those a lot.
He doesn't go to bed after that, but roams the room for hours, getting ice, getting milk, grumbling about the bed, the AC, the dark and I really wanted to just grab something off the bedside table and chuck it at him, in the hopes that it would knock him out for a few more hours, but instead I just rolled over and tried to sleep through it all.
No such luck.
Now we've got a theme park to go to, I've had very little sleep and my older sister is already pissed off at my parents and bitching about not wanting to go to breakfast because it will "waste the day," which is just ticking my parents off, so I have to hear them bitch about it.
I might add sororicide to the list.
Supernatural icon because I feel sorry for anyone who has to live in hotels for most of their lives.
So, I got kicked out of the house today.
After a ridiculous fight with my mother over alcohol (my sister was making drinks, offered me one, my mother blew up, despite my age), which led to a bigger argument over all the things I have not argued with my mother about this summer, my mother finally told me to leave my phone, and the aztec (the car they bought me three years ago, which of course, is still under their name because my mother kept putting off signing it over, just so she could hold it over my head) and that she was through with me and I was on my own.
I called my cousin, grabbed my computer and left.
Now, here I am, having just showered with itchy generic soup, brushed my teeth with a baby toothbrush, and, thanks to the fact that I was in my swim suit when the argument took place, in my cousin's clothes. Including--you'll all be dying to know--her underwear. At least it was a pair she had never worn.
Still, you know you day has gone to shit when you are wearing somebody else's blue, frilly underwear. Underwear that has the word's "Bride to Be" written on the butt.
I've been getting calls on my cousin's phone from like, my whole family, and apparently my mom has completely destroyed my room--like torn up my artwork, knocked my book shelves and mirrors, pulled all the clothes from my dressers and ripped the mattress from my bed--and is now planning on burning my belongings in the field. She also wants me to bring the computer back, since she knows its my most important possession, since it has around ten years of my writing and artwork on it.
Like that is going to happen.
God, I need sleep. And this started out as a really good day, too...
After a ridiculous fight with my mother over alcohol (my sister was making drinks, offered me one, my mother blew up, despite my age), which led to a bigger argument over all the things I have not argued with my mother about this summer, my mother finally told me to leave my phone, and the aztec (the car they bought me three years ago, which of course, is still under their name because my mother kept putting off signing it over, just so she could hold it over my head) and that she was through with me and I was on my own.
I called my cousin, grabbed my computer and left.
Now, here I am, having just showered with itchy generic soup, brushed my teeth with a baby toothbrush, and, thanks to the fact that I was in my swim suit when the argument took place, in my cousin's clothes. Including--you'll all be dying to know--her underwear. At least it was a pair she had never worn.
Still, you know you day has gone to shit when you are wearing somebody else's blue, frilly underwear. Underwear that has the word's "Bride to Be" written on the butt.
I've been getting calls on my cousin's phone from like, my whole family, and apparently my mom has completely destroyed my room--like torn up my artwork, knocked my book shelves and mirrors, pulled all the clothes from my dressers and ripped the mattress from my bed--and is now planning on burning my belongings in the field. She also wants me to bring the computer back, since she knows its my most important possession, since it has around ten years of my writing and artwork on it.
Like that is going to happen.
God, I need sleep. And this started out as a really good day, too...
So, my mother went psycho for a bit and took all of the family's electronics--cell phones, cameras, ipods, tv remotes, laptops--and hid them, told us we were not allowed to leave the house, play the piano or the guitar, listen to music, watch tv, stay in our own rooms or read, before locking herself away in her room and not coming out for five days. Apparently we weren't spending enough time together as a family and we spent too much time on our separate projects. (My entire family is made up of musicians and artists so we spend a lot of time alone, working on those things.) Though I don't see how keeping herself isolated in her room from was supposed to help this whole family "togetherness" we were supposed to develop, I have a feeling the whole thing was connected to the fight between my mom and my dad, and my mom and her sister, and most likely and late reaction to my grandmother's death, since she did something very similar when my grandpa died two years ago. So I didn't argue with her, even though the idea of her trying to ground me when I am less than a month shy of my twenty first birthday is ridiculous. We all played happy family and tip toed around my mother until she calmed down and gave everything back last night.
I was very happy to stop sneaking onto my sister's computer to check my e-mail and livejournal (which I couldn't do very often) and to get back to writing my Star Trek story. Of course, then I happened to watch and episode of Veronica Mars with my sister and Veronica and Logan wouldn't stop talking in my head.
It's just a short scene and quickly written and I don't plan on going anywhere with this, they just wouldn't stop screaming in my head and I needed to write it out so I could get back to the Star Trek.
Title: How It's Going to Be
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Pairings: Veronica/Logan, mentions of Logan/Madison
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. I am not making any money from this.
Timeline: Post season 3, based on the assumption that Logan and Veronica got back together at some point.
( “What’s there to explain? I saw you. With her.” She wanted to spit the words at him, or hiss them: something angry and cold and controlled. But they came out choked and tear clogged and far more devastated than she wanted to sound. )
I was very happy to stop sneaking onto my sister's computer to check my e-mail and livejournal (which I couldn't do very often) and to get back to writing my Star Trek story. Of course, then I happened to watch and episode of Veronica Mars with my sister and Veronica and Logan wouldn't stop talking in my head.
It's just a short scene and quickly written and I don't plan on going anywhere with this, they just wouldn't stop screaming in my head and I needed to write it out so I could get back to the Star Trek.
Title: How It's Going to Be
Fandom: Veronica Mars
Pairings: Veronica/Logan, mentions of Logan/Madison
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. I am not making any money from this.
Timeline: Post season 3, based on the assumption that Logan and Veronica got back together at some point.
( “What’s there to explain? I saw you. With her.” She wanted to spit the words at him, or hiss them: something angry and cold and controlled. But they came out choked and tear clogged and far more devastated than she wanted to sound. )
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So, I went ahead and redid everything in html tables. It took me forever, especially since I decided to redo the color scheme and add another image--which wasn't already made. Of course, what happens when I post the code in? All my colors are gone! The images and text are in nothing but a white background.
I give up. It's staying that way. *sigh*
At least it's still pretty, even without the colors.
Edit: Uhg. You can see the faintest outline of the corners in the bottom picture. I'm going to have to do fix that and reupload it. But not. right. now. Ugh.
I give up. It's staying that way. *sigh*
At least it's still pretty, even without the colors.
Edit: Uhg. You can see the faintest outline of the corners in the bottom picture. I'm going to have to do fix that and reupload it. But not. right. now. Ugh.
Yesterday I got the idea to redo my profile page, add some images and make it pretty. So, I did this whole table thing in photoshop, with my bio and credits and lots of pretty pictures right there on it, and because I wanted links on it I opened it in ImageReady ad used the slicing tool to create some links. Saved it as an html file and then pasted the coding into my biography.
Didn't work.
BIG blank space.
Great. I've been searching all over the place and I can't figure out how to make it work, I fiddled with the code until I nearly had to start over and I still can't make it work.
Finally I gave up and just pasted it as an image, but I really want the links to work. *sigh*
I'm going to have to do this in tables aren't I? Which means I'm going to have to brush up on all that html crap that I've forgotten, and struggle with another html editor. *sigh* I don't want to that.
Anybody know how to get it to work??
Didn't work.
BIG blank space.
Great. I've been searching all over the place and I can't figure out how to make it work, I fiddled with the code until I nearly had to start over and I still can't make it work.
Finally I gave up and just pasted it as an image, but I really want the links to work. *sigh*
I'm going to have to do this in tables aren't I? Which means I'm going to have to brush up on all that html crap that I've forgotten, and struggle with another html editor. *sigh* I don't want to that.
Anybody know how to get it to work??
Today has been a very bad day. Here's what happened:
So early this morning, while I was working on a revised story for my fiction class, I decided to eat a slice of left of pizza, 'cause I was hungry.
Bad idea.
Apparently that pizza had gone bad or something because I spent most of the day hovering over a toilet, praying that I would just get it over with and throw my guts up. So I didn't get much studying done, though I did manage to finish the story.
Too bad my computer freaked out and would let me upload it for a very long time. I had to struggle with it, and by the time I did get it to where I could print it out I was nearly running late. So I headed over to my final without the refresher study session, and on the way there I realized I had forgotten to buy a manila folder to put my work in.
I detoured to the book store, and the line was forever long. When I finally got to the lab to print out my story I found out that instead of uploading the old version and the revised version I just uploaded the old version. Twice.
I had to run all the way back to my dorm, go up EIGHT FLIGHTS OF STAIRS, re-upload my story, go downstairs, print it out and wait for the snarky desk attendant to give it to me, which she took forever to do, because it was apparently too much for her to reach down and grab the papers from the printer while telling the person in front of me where to sign.
I think the ability to multitask should be a job requirement.
So, by the time I got to my final I was over twenty minutes late, out of breath, exhausted from lack of sleep, still feeling sick and so stressed out that I could barely think. I couldn't even remember the steps in Freytag's Triangle for gods sake, and I learned that in Junior High.
I still haven't slept, 'cause I didn't want to sleep through the House episode tonight. And that was disappointment.
The beginning rocked, I loved how much Wilson was in it but once they brought Cuddy in I was pissed.
I hope that was cryptic enough. Don't want to spoil anyone.
Ugh. Two more finals to go.
Is it over yet?
So early this morning, while I was working on a revised story for my fiction class, I decided to eat a slice of left of pizza, 'cause I was hungry.
Bad idea.
Apparently that pizza had gone bad or something because I spent most of the day hovering over a toilet, praying that I would just get it over with and throw my guts up. So I didn't get much studying done, though I did manage to finish the story.
Too bad my computer freaked out and would let me upload it for a very long time. I had to struggle with it, and by the time I did get it to where I could print it out I was nearly running late. So I headed over to my final without the refresher study session, and on the way there I realized I had forgotten to buy a manila folder to put my work in.
I detoured to the book store, and the line was forever long. When I finally got to the lab to print out my story I found out that instead of uploading the old version and the revised version I just uploaded the old version. Twice.
I had to run all the way back to my dorm, go up EIGHT FLIGHTS OF STAIRS, re-upload my story, go downstairs, print it out and wait for the snarky desk attendant to give it to me, which she took forever to do, because it was apparently too much for her to reach down and grab the papers from the printer while telling the person in front of me where to sign.
I think the ability to multitask should be a job requirement.
So, by the time I got to my final I was over twenty minutes late, out of breath, exhausted from lack of sleep, still feeling sick and so stressed out that I could barely think. I couldn't even remember the steps in Freytag's Triangle for gods sake, and I learned that in Junior High.
I still haven't slept, 'cause I didn't want to sleep through the House episode tonight. And that was disappointment.
The beginning rocked, I loved how much Wilson was in it but once they brought Cuddy in I was pissed.
I hope that was cryptic enough. Don't want to spoil anyone.
Ugh. Two more finals to go.
Is it over yet?
So, I know it only been like, a couple of days since I posted my whole "going on a break" entry, but I can't sleep thanks to this SERIOUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE UTI that I'm currently enduring, and I'm pretty ticked off right now 'cause of my roommate and her boyfriend.
They've been seriously annoying me lately. He's been here, staying in this extremely tiny room for nearly THREE WEEKS STRAIGHT, and today, when my RA came to ask where we were living next semester, he was the one who opened the door. And apparently she smells something on his jacket or something, because five minutes later we have the police at our door, wanting to do a SEARCH for MARIJUANA.
Great. Just great.
Of course, they didn't find anything--although I know Carlton does smoke it, just not here. It would be disrespectful, he says--but still. They went through the whole process of looking through our stuff and bringing the dog in to sniff everything, and then they interrogated us and accused us of being high right then--trying to get us to just crack and confess and tell them where it was.
In two years living on this floor, there has never been a drug search, even though there were people who did drugs in their room, and when it does happen, it happens to my room.
Aren't I just lucky.
*sigh*
I can't wait for this semester to be over. And yay for finding an apartment for next year.
In other news, I just wrote something for a Nine/Rose ficathon (which can be found here) tonight, because once again, I can't sleep, and because I haven't read or written anything for Doctor Who in a while, and I miss it.
They've been seriously annoying me lately. He's been here, staying in this extremely tiny room for nearly THREE WEEKS STRAIGHT, and today, when my RA came to ask where we were living next semester, he was the one who opened the door. And apparently she smells something on his jacket or something, because five minutes later we have the police at our door, wanting to do a SEARCH for MARIJUANA.
Great. Just great.
Of course, they didn't find anything--although I know Carlton does smoke it, just not here. It would be disrespectful, he says--but still. They went through the whole process of looking through our stuff and bringing the dog in to sniff everything, and then they interrogated us and accused us of being high right then--trying to get us to just crack and confess and tell them where it was.
In two years living on this floor, there has never been a drug search, even though there were people who did drugs in their room, and when it does happen, it happens to my room.
Aren't I just lucky.
*sigh*
I can't wait for this semester to be over. And yay for finding an apartment for next year.
In other news, I just wrote something for a Nine/Rose ficathon (which can be found here) tonight, because once again, I can't sleep, and because I haven't read or written anything for Doctor Who in a while, and I miss it.
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Do you know what I hate? I hate stupid fake virus scanning advertisements, that just take over your web browser and pretend to run a virus scan on my computer to prove that I need it, even though the fake "My Computer" folder that pops up is set to "Classic" while mine is the way Vista has it set up and I have more than one drive and really DO YOU THINK I AM THAT DUMB? Ten Trojan Viruses and eight Spyware Alerts? Please. Like a virus scan supposedly that thurough really takes ten seconds to run. And then of course, I can't go back, can't exit out of the tab, because another box pops up and my only choices are "okay" and "cancel" one of which loads that stupid program they are trying to get on my computer and the other which just takes me back to the page again. So finally, I have to go through task manager and exit out of ALL my tabs just to get rid of this damn thing. I HATE IT.
*takes deep breaths*
Okay, rant over now.
In other news, I finished the first season of Angel Friday morning. I was going to write and post this whole Post-Season thing, with all my ideas and opinions, was even going to include screencaps, but I ended up going to my friend's home in Terre Haute and was without internet for most of the weekend.
Now I'm lazy and don't feel like doing it.
But I will say, (and I can't believe I am saying this) thanks to the show I now actually like Angel (talking about the character here). I want to bash my head against this cement wall I'm leaning against, because I really didn't want to like him, but I do. I can't help it.
BUT! *raises finger dramatically* I still detest him and Buffy together. Whenever they are in a scene together, no matter how innocent, I always end up hating them both. So really, it just doesn't work out for me.
In other random news: House tonight! Yay! I am so looking forward to this episode, though I'm afriad something will happen to Kutner. I don't remember seeing him in the promo for it and Taub looked upset when I saw him. I like Kutner! I don't want anything bad to happen to him. Kill off Thirteen!! Then we can get rid of her and Foreman's schmoopiness and he'll just angst. Stoically. He will stoically angst.
Before exploding.
*takes deep breaths*
Okay, rant over now.
In other news, I finished the first season of Angel Friday morning. I was going to write and post this whole Post-Season thing, with all my ideas and opinions, was even going to include screencaps, but I ended up going to my friend's home in Terre Haute and was without internet for most of the weekend.
Now I'm lazy and don't feel like doing it.
But I will say, (and I can't believe I am saying this) thanks to the show I now actually like Angel (talking about the character here). I want to bash my head against this cement wall I'm leaning against, because I really didn't want to like him, but I do. I can't help it.
BUT! *raises finger dramatically* I still detest him and Buffy together. Whenever they are in a scene together, no matter how innocent, I always end up hating them both. So really, it just doesn't work out for me.
In other random news: House tonight! Yay! I am so looking forward to this episode, though I'm afriad something will happen to Kutner. I don't remember seeing him in the promo for it and Taub looked upset when I saw him. I like Kutner! I don't want anything bad to happen to him. Kill off Thirteen!! Then we can get rid of her and Foreman's schmoopiness and he'll just angst. Stoically. He will stoically angst.
Before exploding.
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I am once again attempting to write in the study hall (more accuracely named the chatter hall or maybe the social hall) because even though having Miranda and her friend bursting into the room at eleven o'clock at night while I am sleeping to scream and cry about their boyfriends is perfectly acceptable, the quiet tapping of my keyboard while she is trying to sleep is most definately not.
There is like, twelve people in this tiny room, none of whom are studying and I am about to go crazy. I can't think to write with all their nattering, and I can't blair my music loud enough to drown them out.
Can I stress, once again, how absolutely done I am with living in the dorms?
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So here I am, trying to sleep and my roommate comes in, turns on the lights, picks up her phone and starts chatting to her best friend. Who is apparently crying.
So of course, like a good friends she is, she invites her friend to come up to our room, so she can cry her poor heart.
And scream.
And curse.
And pace around the room.
With the light still on. Despite the fact that I was trying to sleep.
Okay fine. I can be sympathetic. Never mind the fact that the guy who made her cry is, for all intents a purposes, a complete asshole and she has been saying that she should break up with him for at least the whole three weeks that I've known my new roommate, and she comes crying to this room almost every. freaking. day. I can deal.
Then he calls her on the phone.
And once again I get the soundtrack to some relationship drama over the phone. That, once again just keeps escalating until there's hysterical yelling and sobbing and really, isn't there somewhere more private than someone else's room or a public study lounge to do these things?
And to top it all off today I felt like complete shit--with a sore throat, stuffy nose and huge headache. All I wanted was to sleep.
Doesn't seem like that is going to happen anytime soon.
So of course, like a good friends she is, she invites her friend to come up to our room, so she can cry her poor heart.
And scream.
And curse.
And pace around the room.
With the light still on. Despite the fact that I was trying to sleep.
Okay fine. I can be sympathetic. Never mind the fact that the guy who made her cry is, for all intents a purposes, a complete asshole and she has been saying that she should break up with him for at least the whole three weeks that I've known my new roommate, and she comes crying to this room almost every. freaking. day. I can deal.
Then he calls her on the phone.
And once again I get the soundtrack to some relationship drama over the phone. That, once again just keeps escalating until there's hysterical yelling and sobbing and really, isn't there somewhere more private than someone else's room or a public study lounge to do these things?
And to top it all off today I felt like complete shit--with a sore throat, stuffy nose and huge headache. All I wanted was to sleep.
Doesn't seem like that is going to happen anytime soon.
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