Pain.

[aisalynn]

  You know, we're all just masochists at heart. We set ourselves up again and again for dissapointment and pain. We practically plan it out, down to every last detail. Or at least I do. Because I KNOW that if I go there, if I see this person, then I'll have a great time, and I'll start to hope. And I KNOW that if I bring up that subject, that I will have to listen to how much he cares for her. And I will have to pretend to be a good friend, and I'll nod and smile, and act excited and happy, when I really just feel like pulling out my own hair, gouging out my eyeballs, or maybe even strangling him.

  So why do I do it? The only explanation is that for someone reason I LIKE pain. For some screwed up psychological reason I like feeling depressed and upset. Maybe it makes me feel important. Because I have problems to do deal with instead of dealing with everybody elses problems. Or maybe I like the emotional high I get. Maybe I'm just masochistic.

And here everybody was saying I would be the sadist in relationships.

Comments

I'm confused about your situation too...

[newyorkdestiny.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry Sarah. I am confused about that whole thing too. You know you can always talk to me though...and I'm sick of being the supportive friend too, but you already know about that and I know about yours. At least mine doesn't do what yours does. Its all utterly confusing.

[burning-haven.livejournal.com]

I'm a masochist, too. ^_^; Seriously though, I've always been attracted to whips and cha-...

But that's not what you're talking about, so we'll save that for another day. I think that it's probably something more along the lines of the fact that despite there being something bad going down, you still like "him" (as a friend or what ever), and still want to be around him. We're kind of like lemings that way. We can't stop running down a bad path even when we see other people failing. And that whole running into a brick wall thing, also true.

Being supportive and happy gets annoying sometimes, but then I know that I start being mean, so I try not to think about it. Good luck.