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So this is what happens when I'm half asleep and composing poetry in my head. I have no idea where this came from, but I kind of like it.
One day, Death sat down and watched the world end.
He sat, and felt the burden of those who died increase
and the folds of his robe deepened and draped heavy on his body.
When all was finished he walked the earth and as he passed
the fires that raged died down to ash.
All was still and bare and quiet.
Death’s sister joined him as he kept vigil for the blackened world.
He said, No matter who or what dies it is always far too soon.
No, she replied, It was time.
And Death was silent, for who was he to argue with Fate?
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It works pretty well as a character study, and like... nice! (Am I getting weaker in my critique, or what?) Even from the brevity, you can get an immediate sense of who the characters are, their personalities etc.
no, I think something so short... it might be too critical to look at like in a really major way!!
I liked it because I'm always used to the personification of death/destiny/etc a la Sandman/Neil Gaiman... and it was differnt.
If I picked out something, the couplet/etc of "passed" and "ash" is a little awkward becuase it kinda rhymes, while the rest of the poem doesn't. But like, over all I reeaaally like it man. My favorite line is probably "and the folds of his robe deepened and draped heavy on his body"... because it's a unique way to illustrate the weariness, etc.
I-I don't know if you wanted a really intense study. xD; "*_*" is like... the stars in my eyes! or something...
geez, I feel so critique/literaly out of shape! x_x
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So helpful.
Anyway! Thank you so much! You are awesome. And that folds on the robe line? So my favorite one too. *grins*
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