(no subject)

Mom called today with the news that my aunt died. I knew she was in the hospital because of a heart attack, but all I've been hearing is how well she was doing, how she was talking and laughing and how she was going to go home soon, and now I get a phone call about how she is dead. And because I'm here in Muncie I didn't even get to visit her with everyone else.

I feel a little blindsided. All this time mentally preparing myself for my grandmother to die and now I'm going to a funeral for Aunt Joan. Who always had lemon drops in her purse and angel figurines in her house and who took my crappy junior high poetry to her church so she could brag on me, so proud that I was a writer.

And I didn't even get to see her.


Now add to that that one my liitle sister's best friends, a kid I've known for years, tried to commit suicide a few days ago, and has been missing since he got out of the hospital, and no one has been able to find him, and I just want to pull the blanket over my head and stay in bed.