I'm getting to all of this pretty late but holy jesus on a bus full of nuns, this SUCKS. And taking the money is 100% okay; just because it's intended as guilt money doesn't mean you have to accept it as guilt money. You don't owe her anything at this point. And yeah, you deserve some new things after she wrecked all of your (presumably somewhat invaluable) shit.

Also, I don't know your circumstances and I'm craptastic at keeping up with everyone's LJs so forgive me for asking this if you've covered it somewhere else, but have you ever thought of moving away permanently?