While I do think that Buffy was abusive, I don't think that Spike had the typical mind set of an abused victim. I don't think it was "I deserve what I'm getting" so much as "I can take it." I think he knew that she had all this confusing and pain and anger to deal with and that she couldn't share it with any of her friends and family, so he allowed her take it out on him, hoping it would help her. (Again the scene in Dead Things comes to mind, where she is obviously taking out her self disgust on him and he just says "lay it all on me.")
Does this mind set stop him from believing all the verbal abuse she spews at him? Does it stop it from taking an emotional toll on him? No. It doesn't. As was shown in Seeing Red where he cracks and fall apart.
But I don't think he was a complete victim in it. Nor do I think he'd never tried (or succeeded) to rape anyone before. If you recall during the scene of his emotional breakdown in the crypt he says: "Why did I do it?" and then he stops and says, "Why didn't I do it?"
I don't think her abuse absolves him of blame for how screwed up their relationship was. Nor do I think the rape absolves Buffy. They weren't just abuser/abusee or rapist/victim. It was far more complicated than that.
As for forgiving Spike... well they didn't really deal with the rape in season seven. Which I can understand becuase you don't want to remind everyone of the ugliest part for his character while trying to redeem him and possibly lose fans for focusing on something so horrible. But still, that always bothered me that it was never dealt with.
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Does this mind set stop him from believing all the verbal abuse she spews at him? Does it stop it from taking an emotional toll on him? No. It doesn't. As was shown in Seeing Red where he cracks and fall apart.
But I don't think he was a complete victim in it. Nor do I think he'd never tried (or succeeded) to rape anyone before. If you recall during the scene of his emotional breakdown in the crypt he says: "Why did I do it?" and then he stops and says, "Why didn't I do it?"
I don't think her abuse absolves him of blame for how screwed up their relationship was. Nor do I think the rape absolves Buffy. They weren't just abuser/abusee or rapist/victim. It was far more complicated than that.
As for forgiving Spike... well they didn't really deal with the rape in season seven. Which I can understand becuase you don't want to remind everyone of the ugliest part for his character while trying to redeem him and possibly lose fans for focusing on something so horrible. But still, that always bothered me that it was never dealt with.