I feel really bad because I don't follow any of the series you write for, so this was my first forray into your recent work. ]:!!
A fanfic I actually enjoyed!! (more like "'literature' I actually enjoyed") erhmm it was very nice. I'd deffinately have a better understanding of the piece if I followed the series and knew the characters, but I was still able to get a most basic understanding of the characters, which was nice.
To pick out a few things from the piece, despite it's shortness... (arghhh I haven't done this in a looong time (laughs) ;; I'm sorry, I'm sure it's probably unwarranted)
I think it's a nice study. While short, it still manages to have clear character development. I think the ending scene has a really poignant (wtf) effect, tying the whole piece together. There are some issues that if you want to push (it to the the limit) you could work on but overall its good and you know, seems like a short study anyway so (ahem).
Nice sex scene! (shot) n-no, I think it's the first time I've read one of yours... it's good. I approve. ;;;
Now a mean bit;; ... the only section I have a real issue with is the paragraph on Millie- perhaps it makes more sense in the larger framework of the world you're working in, however in this piece she seems a bit lost. It breaks flow of the whole two-character study you have going, and especially because she's thrown in at the end of the piece, she seems like an afterthought. Either developing her more (with more mentions in the piece) or cutting her out altogether, I think would be best.
alksjflskdj slkdjfldskjflakdsj ilu
I'm gonna read more of your stuff now XD;; Although you'll probably kill me since I don't watch any of the shows... ergh...
no subject
A fanfic I actually enjoyed!! (more like "'literature' I actually enjoyed") erhmm it was very nice. I'd deffinately have a better understanding of the piece if I followed the series and knew the characters, but I was still able to get a most basic understanding of the characters, which was nice.
To pick out a few things from the piece, despite it's shortness... (arghhh I haven't done this in a looong time (laughs) ;; I'm sorry, I'm sure it's probably unwarranted)
I think it's a nice study. While short, it still manages to have clear character development. I think the ending scene has a really poignant (wtf) effect, tying the whole piece together. There are some issues that if you want to push (it to the the limit) you could work on but overall its good and you know, seems like a short study anyway so (ahem).
Nice sex scene! (shot) n-no, I think it's the first time I've read one of yours... it's good. I approve. ;;;
Now a mean bit;; ... the only section I have a real issue with is the paragraph on Millie- perhaps it makes more sense in the larger framework of the world you're working in, however in this piece she seems a bit lost. It breaks flow of the whole two-character study you have going, and especially because she's thrown in at the end of the piece, she seems like an afterthought. Either developing her more (with more mentions in the piece) or cutting her out altogether, I think would be best.
alksjflskdj slkdjfldskjflakdsj ilu
I'm gonna read more of your stuff now XD;; Although you'll probably kill me since I don't watch any of the shows... ergh...